


Tchk!

by sadgravy



Category: Naruto
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, I haven't even finished shippuden so, I'm p sure, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden, Short, i think, like very soon, spoiler free
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:26:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24689851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadgravy/pseuds/sadgravy
Summary: "Tchk!"or 'Temari is a vibrant, terrifying badass and Shikamaru is helpless to it'OR 'I needed this story to exist so intensely that I brought it into being'Physical prowess has never been Shikamaru’s strong suit – he knows it, the Hokage knows it – his strengths lie elsewhere.Temari, on the other hand...Maybe that’s why he was so enraptured by such a display of power.‘That’s gotta be why,’  he reasoned with himself as the sounds of creaking wood and snapping branches brought him back to the present.
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	1. Enraptured

**Author's Note:**

> I'm ShikaTem trash and this story literally flowed from my hands as if sent to me by a divine revelation. Srsly, I didn't choose this. It chose ME.
> 
> -> more notes at the end too, friendos

Physical prowess has never been Shikamaru’s strong suit – he knows it, the Hokage knows it – his strengths lie elsewhere.

He mulled this thought over with hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth in front of the gate, a bead of sweat slowly forming on his brow as the August sun beat down.

Ever since the academy, he’s been praised up and down for his ‘genius’ and ‘problem solving skills’ and blah blah blah this and blah blah that, but honestly, the only thing he's good at is being lazy. This, inevitably, made him a tactician by nature. From his point of view, strategist was, by far, the easiest position on a shinobi squad. The job description was sitting down and thinking; Shikamaru likes to reason he’s perfected that past time. And the training? Well, it included strategizing over a Shogi board, which just so happened to be his second favorite hobby. Temari, on the other hand… Maybe that’s why he was so enraptured by such a display of power.

‘ _That’s gotta be why,’_ he reasoned with himself as the sounds of creaking wood and snapping branches brought him back to the present. His arm instinctively rose up to his face in an effort to block the dust and dirt and twigs and whatever else the peripheral wind from Temari’s attack decided to thrash around today. The air whipping past did a good job of drying the sweat that had been pooling along his collar bones. He basked in the current for _just_ a moment, so quickly he was sure no one could’ve noticed. He couldn’t help but think that it felt like a sigh of relief compared to the steaming sun, as if the village itself was thanking her for the reprieve.

‘ _S’cause I’m not used to it,’_ his brain argued, _‘Yeah…yeah, that’s definitely why,’_ – only half believing it himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have more but I gotta make sure it ~vibes~ and lives up to the Muses' expectations lest they TAKE this BEAUTIFUL GIFT from me.  
> SCREEEEECH. Here's a teaser:
> 
> Temari never missed a day of training. It didn’t matter if she was in Suna or Konoha or on the moon– she had meticulously crafted herself a training regimen and she was going to goddamn follow it.


	2. Game, Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Temari and Shikamaru play a game of Shogi. It goes well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to figure out what order to put everything in to form a coherent plot (lol jk, I've never written a plot)  
> I couldn't figure out where to place this in the timeline, but I loved the scene too much not to share. So, it's a game, 'out of time' (buh dum tsss). I figured I'd give my (non-existent) readers something to ruminate on before the next actual chapter. It's still a part of the story and it's referenced later on. Think of it as a flashback lmbo. Good luck, y'all

"This week, you’ve been acting funny.” She commented casually, moving her knight rather haphazardly, Shikamaru thought.

“Care to explain?” He didn’t look up, too focused on analyzing the pieces. Finally, he saw how to attain victory in less than 6 moves; he initiated his attack plan. Chin in his hand, looking utterly bored, he glanced at her, waiting for a response.

“You’re acting like you did a couple years ago. The first time I came to visit as an ally.” She took his silence as a ‘go on’. The piece clicked on the board when she finally made her move. “The time I saved you, you know, when I rescued you from certain death.” She veritably giggled when his face slid from bored to agitated all too easily. “You were all flustered and what not,” she smirked. She knew he would take the bait.

“I wasn’t flustered!” He quipped, a little too loudly, “I was worn out! I had been fighting, as you so kindly reminded me, for my life. Ughhh.” The ugh trailed off into a sigh and his face had already settled back into his ‘why am I even awake’ expression before the sentence was over.

She laughed, enthusiastically enough for the shogi board to give a gratuitous /click click cluck/.

“Not /right/ then you brat! Afterwards, in the village near the practice field, after...”

‘After you cried’ is what she didn’t say.

‘Click’, someone took their turn.

“Huh?” He inquired, still unsure. She gave him a minute to let the memory come back.

“Oh. Oh god.” He groaned, hands covering his face. His ears turned pink.

She barked a laugh, “For a genius, you can be really dumb sometimes, Shikamaru.” When he didn’t raise his head, but groaned a little louder, she added dramatically, “Oh come /on/ it wasn’t that bad.” She couldn’t help it, she felt herself grinning ear to ear. It was a lie. It had been pretty bad. They both knew it.

“I think,” she continued, thoroughly enjoying his torment, “it was the first time someone ever flirted with you — teased you, really. Well,” she thought aloud, “at least directly enough for you to get it.” That got a rise.

He glared at her, nose scrunched up in annoyance, “I don’t /appreciate/ the /implication/ that I can’t tell when someone is flirting with me.”

“Couldn’t,” she hit back, “couldn’t tell. Past tense.” She let it hang in the air.

He stared at her. A blink, a breath. He knew he looked like an idiot; all the while Temari’s grin growing wider, eyes squinting with barely contained laughter. “Like I said,” she picked up her knight a final time, “dumb. Checkmate.” She inclined her eyebrows a bit. It took him a second to remember he was playing a game of Shogi, so his belated response sounded more incredulous than was polite. “You beat me...” he stared at the board.

A scoff followed by “Don’t sound so surprised! I don’t /appreciate/ the /implication/ that I’m unintelligent, you know,” she drawled sarcastically.

He grumbled, snapping his gaze back to her. She really had him going today, “God, Temari, you’re so tiresome!”

“Hey, watch your mouth, you brat. I am your senior after all.” She gave him a wink. He flushed a bit, but otherwise took it in stride. Glancing away, the moment was gone with a huff.

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed. Temari admired his backyard and the greenery she so rarely got to see. Shikamaru was still staring at the Shogi board, trying to figure out where, when, it all went wrong. It was Temari who broke the silence.

“Anyway, you’ve been pretty suave ever since. Almost suspiciously so,” she threw him a side eye, “I bet you ran every scenario through your head that night, came up with a retort for each and every gibe I could possibly throw your way.”

Shikamaru eventually tore his eyes from the board and held her in his gaze for several tense seconds. Completely deadpan, “I did,” he rumbled out. Another beat passed.

This time, when Temari laughed, she did hit the Shogi board. Her knee clipped it and some of the pieces scattered.

‘Doesn’t matter’ Shikamaru thought bitterly, ‘game’s over. Shogi’s over, anyway.’ he amended.

Her laugh reverberated around the square of his backyard. It was full and genuine, the kind of laugh that came from your belly. Her head was tilted back and her eyes squeezed shut. Shikamaru couldn’t help himself; his smirk turned into a smile and by the time she was done he was scratching the back of his head reluctantly laughing out of the side of his mouth.

He never noticed, before he met Temari, that he was so funny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments if you want. They don't even have to be nice lol


	3. Dignity, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a routine patrolling exercise, Shikamaru twists his ankle. Temari thinks it's hilarious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty then, in order to avoid making a liar out of myself (again) and actually publish this on the day I said I'd heckin publish it, I split the chapter I was writing into two parts (yeah, I guess you could compare me to George RR Martin, if you wanted to, or like, whatever). I couldn't find a good stopping point but I have much more written; the second half will probably be put up tomorrow, but also, don't ever trust anything I say.  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Also, I'm fiddling with the 3rd person limited vs omniscient narrative so don't @ me abt it lol (jk, pls @ me). I'm still not sure what they in the frick I'm writing, or when this takes place. I can't even decide on a single verb tense so,,,
> 
> IN CONCLUSION (I'm so sorry, team), this is hastily edited and might be way too long for the 7 minutes of time it actually depicts. We're doin some heavy ShikaTem speculation with absolutely NO END in SIGHT, y'allt. Enjoi.

When his shoes hit the wet forest floor, he curses (not so much) under his breath, “FUCK that hurt!” Shikamaru had been narrating the squad’s path: pointing out spots more difficult to defend, seasonal dangers of Konoha’s surrounding forest, idiosyncrasies that ninja must always be aware of – all of which could be the difference between life and death. The fact that he would twist his ankle in this particular situation was just so on brand for him lately that he wasn’t even surprised, _‘I knew I shouldn’t have been so dramatic.’_

Thankfully, he’s still on his feet, but not by much. Wobbly, Shikamaru spins his head towards the trainees – the kids he’s showing the patrolling-ropes, the ones he’s _supposed_ to be (with his rumored genius) impressing, which he’s not – and an extra passenger (‘along for the ride’, she had mocked back at the gates, with a wiggle of her eyebrows).

The long-suffering Jounin took a moment, a single breath, to pity himself, _‘nnnngh, tiresome’_. The universe couldn’t give him a break, he surmises, because apparently he was the gods’ plaything.

Honestly, he would’ve been happy to accept the embarrassment of faltering in front of the newbies. No, really, he muses, if it tamped down on some of the protégé gossip, all the better for him; shit, he’d do it again if that were the case. Humorous or not though, these ninja were as green as green could get (some weren’t even Chounin yet) and not one of them dared to crack a smile, much less laugh, at their captain’s misfortune. In another time, in a much kinder universe, Shikamaru could’ve made a joke, he laments; he could’ve used the opportunity to foster comradery among the recruits, maybe turn it into a learning opportunity, _‘but I guess that’s too mediocre for the gods’_. Yeah, he was bitter, because in reality, coulda, woulda, shoulda, means jack shit. 

Ten seconds had stretched across an increasingly awkward silence before his eyes found the person he was really checking the reaction of. He regretted this immediately and scolded himself for being such an idiot.

Temari’s face looked strained, almost painfully so. It was taking every ounce of resolve, every shred of her diplomatic training, to keep herself quiet. When Shikamaru’s gaze finally clocked her at the very back of the group, his eyes pleading, she felt her willpower slipping. It was almost as if something was clawing its way out of her throat of its own accord, and she would be sure to argue this exact point to Shikamaru later. 

Shikamaru couldn’t mistake the glimmer in her eye: he knew the metaphorical humiliation meter that he sometimes (all the time) pictured in his mind’s eye, would be useless in a matter of seconds. Temari had a knack for dragging his indignity outside of its previous ranges; he would have to start over with a whole new set of shame-parameters.

The cackle that ripped itself from Temari’s lungs actually scared some of the recruits – yes, that’s right, this laugh _scared_ trained ninja – into jumping away. Two of them even landed in a defensive stance, hand hovering above kunai, before realizing the situation. This caused another peal of laughter from Temari’s gut to vibrate through the air.

She finally caught her breath, muttering, “’m sorry’m sorry, sorry” to no one in particular because Shikamaru was definitely too far away to hear her breathless sham of an apology.

Shikamaru audibly groaned and thought sourly, ‘ _At least I put Ino and Chouji on shadowing duty,’_ and that was as far as the silver of that lining would allow. The thought of Ino _and_ Temari together in thundering laughter at his expense sent a shiver raking up his spine. Though Ino and Chouji would be catching up soon and his worst nightmare would come alive if he didn’t speed things along.

“Yeah, so, uh, Mika, why don’t you go ahead and take over,” he said with his best attempt at a blasé attitude, “my ankle’s gonna need a second, heh. Make sure to keep them along the marked path.” Shikamaru made a mental note to treat his fellow Jounin to drinks when Mika accepted this with a curt nod and jumped away.

The trainees, following quickly behind him, were all too happy to leap the fuck outta that confusing situation.

As the last recruit disappeared up the path, hoping beyond hope, Shikamaru begged the gods to spare what was left of him and let Temari jump away with the rest. It was a wasted plea; he knew she wouldn’t, that’s just not Temari. Instead he hobbled to an adequate rock and busied himself with inspecting his now swollen ankle. He did his very best at ignoring her approach until the shadow that blocked out his light forced him to look up at her. This must be the natural order of things between them, Shikamaru reflected, because it seems that he’s always looking up at her, a vague feeling of chagrin and awe muddling his thoughts.

_‘Shit, she’s beautiful,’_ quickly pivoting from that line of thought, he resumed staring at his leg, “Tchk, you’re in my light, you sadist.”

The laugh this pulls from Temari is much different than her earlier guffawing; it comes out friendly and warm and Shikamaru decides that it sounds dangerous.

“Seriously though, Shika, are you okay?” Temari questions, ignoring his gibe in favor of crouching down in front of his knees. The tessen at her back is long enough that it forces her to lean forward to avoid the mud covering the patrol path. While it forces Shikamaru to finally make-eye contact beyond the glancing he’s allowed himself on this particular day.

Shikamaru grumbles an offhanded affirmation. He was too caught up admiring the coral blush lingering in her tanned cheeks, no doubt from her earlier display of mirth. Temari’s concerned smile turns into a knowing grin before Shikamaru can catch his misstep. _'Openly staring? Seriously, Nara? Ughh,_ ' he silently admonished himself. Where normally she would tease, Temari offers him much appreciated clemency, turning the conversation instead to their recently arrived voyeur, “I’m sure you’re aware, but uh....” She inclines her head towards the treeline.

“Tchhhhaaa,” his normal exasperated grunt cracks when she grabs his leg to further exam the injury.

“Oh, whatta crybaby,” her eyes sparkled up at him. 

Trying his darndest to ignore that sparkle, he yells, “INO!” Aiming his voice in no particular direction, “Get lost you perv!” His eyebrow twitched – whether in pain or anger, Temari wasn’t sure. Before long they heard a soft rustle and an accompanying ‘Hrmph!’ followed by the undeniable _woosh_ of leaves as Ino leapt back, unseen, to keep trailing the others.

A twinge of pain brought Shikamaru’s attention back to the situation at hand, causing him to grimace again, “Ya know, you could stand to learn some more of the feminine arts, woman, like - hhggg - like nurturing, healing...” 

Temari was laughing before he finished his sentence, a deliberate not-so-gentle shift of his leg as her punctuation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and leave comments or send me hate mail  
> I am /always/ down to read a scathing review of my work.


	4. Dignity, Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previously on "Tchk!"
> 
> Shikamaru sprained his ankle in front of a team of newbies. Temari thought it was hilarious (it was). They're left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::creeps back into this story::  
> lol, remember when I said "the second half will probably be posted tomorrow"? ohhhh man, hahaha, good times.
> 
> sidenote: you ever look back on things you wrote years ago and cringe? That's me but with the author's notes from a month ago lmbo. like, literally what is wrong with me. do I think I'm funny??? was I high????? And now, fully self-aware, I'm doing it again. ugh bye.

_A twinge of pain brought Shikamaru’s attention back to the situation at hand, causing him to grimace again, “Ya know, you could stand to learn some more of the feminine arts, woman, like - hhggg - like nurturing, healing.”_

_Temari was laughing before he finished his sentence, a deliberate not-so-gentle shift of his leg as her punctuation._

“God, I never knew how outdated Konoha’s views were until I met you. In Suna, we don’t put such weight on outdated stereotypes. It’s too limiting.” The grin on her face belied the sharp slant of her words, “besides,” a pause for drama, “do I look like I have ever nurtured anything in my life?” She cocked an eyebrow at him. 

He shrugged, avoiding eye contact, but was forced to look at her when her hands didn’t resume their fiddling. He realized too late that she was legitimately asking — of course she was, when had he ever known her to ask anything rhetorical — but the nearness of her and weight of her gaze took the power of thought from him. He felt naked in front of her, like she knew what he was thinking, or in this case, not thinking. This all culminated in speaking without a calculated response (which is never, ever a good idea for Shikamaru).

“You worked in the green houses in Suna, for a couple years, uh, I think.” He tacked lamely on the end. This little fact was left out of her files for one reason or another, he didn’t know if it was intentional or not – didn’t really care at the moment. The point is, he couldn’t have known this without having either asked her specifically about it, which of course he did not, or having picked it up by deliberately searching for information about the Princess of Suna. Ease dropping, which had become a troublesome habit, whenever Suna was mentioned was the means of collection for this particular tidbit. He couldn’t even be mad at himself anymore for being such a dumbass, his anger morphing to self-pity; which was worse, he couldn’t say. 

Temari’s hands fidgeted as she returned to her task, smirking down at his ankle, now an angry red. Playfully, she responded, “You’re creepy, you know?” It was her turn to avoid eye contact, focusing intently on loosening the straps of his sandal. Shikamaru thought it was probably for his benefit, because it was impossible to miss the twinkle in her eyes (had he been half as smart as everyone thought he was, he would’ve noticed her blush too, but he didn’t). He knew it was dangerous to look at her directly – he swears she’s a witch or something – and yet he does it anyway. All higher brain functioning seemingly returning at once, he gets lost ruminating on the sparkle in her eyes and how it reminded him of spring rain in the early morning, the golden light shimmering through the greenery and reflecting off the clouds; it turns the most beautiful turquoise color. Wearily, he sighs out, “Ugh, how tiresome. Let’s get going, will you?”” It was a reaction to his own disobedient brain, but she seemed to take it as a good enough reply. 

Without hesitation, she unceremoniously flung him up with one arm, removing her fan with the other, deftly switching their places. Shikamaru found himself astride her back, the fan sticking out from under her left arm rubbing against his calf, while she leapt a steady pace back go Konoha. Had someone asked him how she did it, he would’ve shook his head; even his quick brain couldn’t keep up with Temari of Suna. 

What Shikamaru’s brain could do, however, was balk, and despite his best efforts, a surprised choking sound escaped his gapping mouth. He hoped she hadn’t heard. She had. But he knew that already. His mouth, already open in shock, made it easy for words to begin tumbling out. Maybe it was the pain clouding his thought process, because Shikamaru Nara, heir to the Nara clan, didn’t ramble. While playing devils’ advocate, or engaging in a heated debate, of course he had said things he hadn’t planned on saying, or ended up regretting that, maybe, he took a line of reasoning a step too far, but he had never rambled. And yet, here he was, mouth agape, rambling. He could feel it – couldn’t stop it. 

Some nonsensical things came out before a somewhat coherent sentence formed, “When I found out you were comin-“ Temari cocked her head to the side and all but yelled, “I can’t hear you over the wind. Say again.” The intelligent part of his brain felt relieved, ‘Yes! A chance to fucking Stop you idiot.’ Any other time he would’ve waved it off, telling her it wasn’t important. That’s incorrect actually, because any other time, he never would’ve began the sentence in the first place, but today there seemed to be a disconnect somewhere along the neural pathways from his brain to his mouth. Only realizing he had already resumed speaking after he was centimeters away from her ear (he could feel the warmth of his own breath crowded up against her skin), it was too late. 

“When you came to the village I knew it’d be a drahhg” he hovered over the vowel a bit longer than was necessary, “but through every scenario I ran in my head, riding piggyback like a 6-year-old, watching my dignity as a man fly away in tatters behind me, wasn’t one of them.” 

‘I sound angry,’ he thought afterwards. He was angry; no, frustrated, but in a way that almost felt angry. He hoped she knew it wasn’t with her; he paled at the thought.

Temari’s feet hit the ground a smidge too hard, for just a moment, to allow a peal of laughter to erupt from her chest. Voice breathy, either from the laughter or the carrying a man on her back, Shikamaru honestly wasn’t sure which, forced him to lean further into her to catch the words she bantered back, “You men and your egos,” she took a breath, “A fellow shinobi helps you with an injury and suddenly you throw a tantrum.” 

In her tactful avoidance of the word kunoichi, the way she landed on shinobi, her disdain was clear even to his currently muddy brain, “Tchkt! It’s not because you’re a girl!” He barely kept himself from screeching. 

“A girl??” She said incredulously; it was the first time Shikamaru had ever heard her sound actually miffed, at least towards him, “I’m a woman, you infantilizing asshole.”

A beat of silence passed. 

‘Oh goddamnit, Shikamaru, why can’t you shut your mouth’ he screamed to himself, brain whizzing to figure out the best backtrack. 

He didn’t see the smirk grow across her face, he felt it. 

“Gahhhh!” he squawked when he realized she was still fucking with him. Despite his internal relief, he spat back, “You’re so exhausting, _woman_ ,” he halted to let her appreciate his retort. “That’s not what I meant anyway,” he grumbled softly to himself, forgetting that he had placed his mouth practically on her ear where even the wind couldn’t block out his mumbling. 

Again, he felt rather than saw her eyebrow quirk up. He was glad she couldn’t see him because his face flushed more than the wind whipping past his cheeks warranted.

Had Shikamaru been in his right mind, he wouldn’t have lied to her per se, he was too lazy to lie, but he would’ve had some way to avoid her unspoken ‘why then?’ with a modicum of grace. But he wasn’t, and so he didn’t avoid it. He just shut up and ignored it.

It was another 7 minutes of awkward silence before the gates of Konoha came into view. Well, _he_ felt awkward at least; he wasn’t entirely sure Temari could feel embarrassment because she only chuckled, no doubt at his expense, every now and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read me to filth pls.


	5. Never Ignore Temari, Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a thoughtful stroll, Shikamaru relives the trauma caused by what Ino has officially dubbed, '"The Misstep". Shikamaru didn't appreciate the joke, but that was okay, because Temari enjoyed it enough for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see the bottom notes for a self-deprecating synopsis of my last six months of 2020. yeehaw, mehtherfackers!
> 
> \---
> 
> In all seriousness, I'm sorry it's taken me this long to update...and that this update is pretty short,,,,,and that it's mostly just Shikamaru's thoughts........,.,.,,. and that all of this gets us a measly depiction of 4 minutes and no progression what so ever.

Shikamaru hadn’t yet lived down the shame of embarrassing himself in front of a gaggle of Genin or on the humiliating journey thereafter. Not only did Temari carry him across the threshold of the front gates, but all the way to the Konoha General Hospital. Strolling the streets of Konoha, his shoulders gave an involuntary spasm as he relived the cruel memory.

After the futile attempt to struggle from Temari’s grasp guards took note of their approach, a subtle curving of their mouths the only tell, her vicelike grip under his knees only tightened. Like quicksand (he didn’t even have time to fully appreciate the parallels of his own metaphor), the more he squirmed the firmer her hold, and the more panic flooding his being. The Nara genius was positive he would discover bruises in the shape of her hands underneath his regulation pants later (which he kinda liked the thought of?... but wasn’t sure why and it was something he resolutely decided to put on the backburner in lieu of handling other, more dire, affairs).

This was his own damn fault, truly, and if he were being honest with himself – he hadn’t decided yet if he was or not – he would’ve seen that. In similar fashion to the costly impulse of seeking her eye contact, in his bleakest moment, as he twisted his ankle, his brain decided to betray him once more.

(He briefly wondered if he had split personality disorder, and if so, was it normal for his other selves to try their…his?...hand at ruining his own life; a mental note to ask Sakura for a recommendation about texts on personality disorders was made.)

The self-sabotage this time around manifested in the form of his traitorous hand tapping her shoulder repetitively – as if his incessant attempts to escape went unnoticed and it were only a matter of getting her attention to regain his freedom – followed by a hushed string of pleas growing more desperate by the second. Later, when Ino dragged the story from him, with Chouji looking on cheerily, he had blamed it on the lack of sleep and pain from his ankle. At the time, though, he was verifiably _livid_ with himself. A deathly silence overtook him as tendrils of awareness seemed to slither up and around, constricting his throat painfully. Definitely, absolutely, incomparably, this was the most calamitous blunder of his life.

(The Jounin then and there declared himself a masochist because it was the only reasonable explanation to any of the myriad of holes he dug for himself throughout the day)

In slow motion, it seemed, he forced his eyes down to assess Temari’s reaction to his pitiful display (I mean, really, he should’ve known what he was going to find). She sucked her bottom lip under her teeth, desperately trying to hold back her laughter in a way that gave her passenger déjà vu. Her eyes were impossibly bright and sparkled with a mischief he had seen rivaled only in Naruto’s. One of the harshest differences between the two, much to his despair, was that Temari was a strategist and a _fucking good one,_ too. Knowing full well the extent of her intelligence with which to back up the threat her eyes threw at him over her shoulder, had Shikamaru wishing, for the first and last time in his life, that he were in the presence of the Jinchuuriki instead. 

_‘…fuck…fuCK FUCK GODDAMIT NARA,’_ he admonished, _‘when are you gonna learn not to look— tchk!’_ These would be the last coherent thoughts he’d have for two days following the incident. Sakura had posited that, apparently, he suffered a mild case of ‘shock’, not uncommon after traumatic experiences.

Not even registering the garbled whimper that escaped his throat, they reached the gate. Temari gave Shikamaru an especially bone-crushing squeeze to his thighs as if to grab his attention; as if every fiber of his being wasn’t pulled taut in dread; as if he needed a _reminder_ to enjoy the front row seat to his own demise.

(Briefly, he wondered again, why the pressure of her fingers and the burn of denim digging into his skin made him want to gasp painfully but in an entirely different way – he cataloged the question away with all the others in his ‘Intrusive Thoughts to Eventually Analyze but Not Too Eagerly’ file)

Waving with an unabashed confidence – which he had never seen anyone besides than the Sand Princess herself wield successfully – she hollered a welcome past her impossibly wide grin, “Hey, boys!”

Emphasizing their arrival, she released one of his legs to waggle fingers playfully towards the guards, all too happy to grin and wave back, snickering quietly. The moment a set of her fingers uncoiled, an urge from his primal-lizard-brain whispered in his head, _‘flee! Now, flee!’_. In what Shikamaru reasoned was the best decision he made all day, he resisted the call to flight and, with it, the inevitability of additional shame. Any attempts at escape at this point most definitely would’ve ended in a brawl; one, he had no doubts, that he would lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, June 2020: I'm gonna write a quick little smutty oneshot of ShikaTema. I have so many feelings I need to get them out  
> \---  
> me, July 2020: ::gets completely sidetracked by a shogi-scenario that won't leave me the feckd alone::  
> \---  
> me, August 2020: Okay, to the smut! I'll just have a quick lil chapter of setup and....  
> \---  
> me, September 2020: ::starts three other fics in three entirely different fandoms::  
> \---  
> me, October 2020: Whoops, I forgot to post Pt. 2 of my setup chapter,,,,which, I guess, is now two chapters....that literally depicts all of 10 minutes...shit.  
> \---  
> me, November 2020: ::ghosts reality::  
> \---  
> me, evening of December 31, 2020:  
> ::thinks of a good scenario::  
> okay cool I'm gonna get the juices flowing!  
> ::accidentally writes a follow up, which again, depicts a scarce 4-irl-minutes, to bring closure to the previous chapter::  
> heck, ok, well, at least I have something to post!  
> ::realizes the plot-worm that caused this whole debacle never even made it to paper, digital or otherwise::  
> ::realizes that another chapter is needed to wrap this one up before getting to the actual frigkin plot that is burrowing continuously into my brain::  
> \---  
> "hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again."


End file.
